Overwhelming Proof That Basketball is for Pansies

God, I hate the NHL right now. Usually when I hear about a “fight” or a “brawl” at the Garden I get pretty pumped up. Most of the time it’s Thornton or Lucic dropping the hammer, or if we get really lucky a ‘good old fashioned donnybrook‘ breaks out and we get multiple Jack-Edwardisms to enjoy. Well apparently there was a fight at the Garden last night, though I use the term very, very loosely.

After a vomit-inducing flop by Kevin Garnett the likes of which would make Sidney Crosby cringe, Rajon Rondo got into it (again, used loosely) with Brooklyn big man Kris Humphries and basketball mayhem ensued. By mayhem we of course mean some pushing and shoving, which resulted in numerous technical fouls and some ejections, along with a 2 game suspension for Rondo.

See it for yourself:

Perhaps even bigger news was that Humphries tweeted out his “battle wounds” after the game (click the link to see the picture):

 

Where to even begin with this. Let’s start with Humphries.

Steven Stamkos

Hint: This is one of the least gruesome of the bunch.

Really though? You got a little scratched up? Time to take to the Twittersphere? Scratches! The outrage! First of all, scrums like that happen multiple times during a hockey game, and the worst that comes of it most of the time is two minutes in the box (alone, and you feel shame). Second, I am continually baffled at the ridiculousness of basketball players and what a huge deal it is when something like this happens. The incident itself was an absolute nothing event, and then you have a huge scrum and this clown tweeting a picture of his injuries. Next time, do me a favor and check out this article first. It’s called the ‘Top 5 Mangled NHL Faces on Twitter.’ This page should be the gold standard before anyone posts an injury shot to Twitter. I think this is pretty self explanatory.

Next, I can’t get over the announcers in that clip. Overall I think Celtics color man Tommy Heinsohn is a pretty funny guy. He’s to the Celtics what Jack Edwards is to the Bruins. But really, this was just a joke. Garnett didn’t get “hit in the face.” Humphries’ hand brushed over it, and Garnett went down trying to draw a call (which laughably he also failed to do). In the NHL, though diving is still an issue, if you pull a ‘Ryan Kesler‘ your teammates will defend you, except they have to defend you from getting jumped instead of going after a player that did absolutely nothing to you. Crazy right? Not to mention you’ll probably end up on the league list of diving queers next to Sid and Mike Ribeiro. I’d even have a hard time believing that Jack or Brick would defend such a gigantic dive and Oscar-worthy embellishment even if it were a Bruin (…ok, maybe Jack would).

On top of it all, here comes Rajon Rondo to save the day! Standing up for his teammate! Ok, if Humphries actually had even legitimately fouled KG, I’m probably for this play. But the fact that it came off a flop and everyone is so jacked up is absolutely hilarious. This had to be the most exciting part of the game, right?

I could spend time explaining why I love hockey or how similar incidents play out on the ice, or I can just show you instead. First, this is an actual reason to defend a teammate. You have Bruins defenseman Andy Ference, with good reason, responding to Adam Burish’s post-whistle shot on Tuukka Rask. There are numerous other examples of Ference doing the same if you need further proof. Second, and perhaps more importantly, you have Burish willingly obliging, and settling business right then and there. Maybe he meant to take the shot, and maybe he didn’t, but he’s game. Third, Burish gets his face broken on the play (literally – orbital bone), but no tweets after the game?

Well, I hope that’s clear. All the more reason to hate the NHL and NHLPA right now, since we’re relegated to hearing about this nonsense with no Bruins games, and thus no real scraps to talk about. Fuck you, NHL. I’ll never understand basketball.

These Ryan Kesler GIF’s Are Hilarious

We posted a quick note yesterday about Darren Dreger’s article on the crackdown that is hopefully coming regarding diving and embellishment. We failed to mention that Vancouver’s Ryan Kesler’s name (along with Chicago’s Dan Carcillo) was apparently atop the list when it came to players to be watched. With this story growing some legs across the web, it wasn’t long before a hilarious collection of Kesler-related images popped up. Some of these have been around for a while, but credit to user ‘Crossfire’ on the Bruins HFBoards forum for bringing them together. PuckDaddy also has the YouTube clips that go along with these, in case you’re a Canucks fan and need to see the real evidence. Enjoy.

A gust of wind is enough to send Ryan Kesler flying

Tumbleweed Kesler


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